I’ve been feeling numb lately.
And by, “I,” I mean, “my mouth,” and by, “lately,” I mean, “this morning.”
There’s nothing that wakes you up more than a needle in the mouth at 7:15 a.m. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine; it was a chipped tooth that didn’t even get down to the nerve. I’ve been told that I have excellent oral health and that this could have happened to anyone. If your takeaway from this post is that I have bad teeth, then you’re misrepresenting me.
But there’s nothing quite like having two people standing over you with their hands in your mouth to make you realize that these people chose to do that with their lives and even enjoy it.
Which is a good thing. Not my cup of tea, but that’s what they like, I guess.
But people are weird. Some people professionally put their hands in mouths, some people professionally hit things with a stick, some people professionally write this silly blog (I’m “some people” in this case). People make weird decisions with what they want to do with their lives and how they like to spend their time.
People make weird decisions, and what I was thinking about this morning was about how strange empathy can be, and how common it actually is.
I was also thinking, “Ouch,” but there’s not much insight in that thought.
Empathy is a small but necessary thing whenever we encounter someone. Even just a glimmer of it. For instance, if you were to point at a person and say to me, “This person spends their days with their hands in other people’s mouths,” I would say, “No thank you, I don’t want to talk to this person.” But I go to the dentist and think, “Oh good, this is helpful.” There’s nothing different about me in the situation, but I am able to empathize with my dentist and understand that what she is good at may be weird for me but is normal for her.
Am I experiencing any sort of transformative empathy? No. But I am at least able to empathize with her decisions and perspectives enough to trust to drill holes in my teeth. I bet we have this experience every day, multiple times a day. And maybe I’m stretching the definition of the word empathy, but I think it can be valuable to think about it this way. Because empathy is a skill; one that happens with practice and intention.
Thinking about your everyday encounters as moments for empathy helps train you to see people more empathetically. The more you see people empathetically, the more you are able to love them. The more you love people, the world becomes a better place.
Here’s my advice: Start with your dentist. If you don’t need to go, then fake a reason. At the dentist, think about the fact that they are comfortable doing things that you may never be comfortable. Good. Now go to the grocery store. Find someone who is stocking up on foods you hate and follow them around the store thinking about how they like things that you’ll never like. Call Comcast customer service. Skip past all the robots and talk to the service representative about your problem. Just say your router is on the fritz or something. Think about how even though they may not love their jobs, this is what they do with their day. Treat them kindly and sincerely apologize for wasting their time. Think about this every time you’re cut off in traffic. Every time someone eats the last donut. Every time someone has dropped a blueberry on the floor that you step on. If we can start to empathize in small ways, then the big ways should follow.
Peace,
Rev. Jeff Fox-Kline
Join us as we walk a path of love and empathy, and making the world a better place. Whether you're new in your faith journey and looking for others to connect with in the community, or you're a seasoned believer seeking deeper engagement and growth, our church offers a warm and welcoming space for everyone. To learn more about Twelve Corners Presbyterian Church, contact our office or visit us to chat! We're located at 1200 S. Winton Road in Rochester, NY in the town of Brighton. We look forward to walking with you!
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